My dad is awesome. My dad is cool.
He helps me with my work from school.
I want to get him something nice
For always giving good advice.

I know my dad and what he likes
Tools and sports and cars and bikes.
His favorite thing of all is booze…
But what bottle should I choose?

There’s grassy, spicy, piney, dry.
Pleasures to the mouth and eye.
It makes me faint to see them all
arranged so neatly on the wall.

What’s that tinkle that I hear?
A tickle on the tongue and ear.
Listen! Hops and barley play
A bitter song called IPA.

The hefeweizen is on sale
But he likes his Scottish ale.
Or could I bear to leave without
a thick and chewy oatmeal stout?

He’s always said that nothing beats
Farmhouse ales and cloudy wheats.
Except for when he’s in the mood
To pair an amber ale with food.

Or if there’s lager to be had.
He likes his German beers, my dad.
He also likes his barleywine.
Bittersweet and ever fine.

But in six months, the winter cheer
Means warm and spicy Christmas beer
When seasons change and fall arrives
Perhaps a pumpkin beer or five.

In summer, kolsch, and then in spring…
He’ll drink nearly anything.
So many beers, I can’t decide.
I think I need to step outside.

I didn’t think I’d have such trouble
Picking tripel, quad, or dubbel.
Au contraire! With so much choice
It appears I’ve lost my voice.

I haven’t spent my money yet.
Because I don’t know what to get.
But now I see, that’s not so bad.
I know what’ll please my dad!

I realize I don’t have to choose
Between the gruit, gose, or gueuze,
The words, “I love you,” to his ears
Are worth a hundred thousand beers.