I don’t like koozies. I have way too many and I never use them. I have 12 oz., 16 oz., and bottle-shaped koozies. I have koozies from breweries, clothing companies, retreat centers, and Hop Culture. They’re like stickers — free and colorful but ultimately cluttering up a dusty drawer.

Of course, I understand their practicality. Nobody wants warm beer at the BBQ or beach. And koozies are effective at protecting your beer from the heat, although they work better on cans than on bottles. But, whether it’s because I drink my beer fast enough or I tend to pour my beer into a glass, koozies have become a superfluous beer sweater. More neoprene art pieces than functional drinkware.

But I argue that it’s worth having one, and only one, koozie. A go-to in those extreme conditions when all your tekus are dirty and it’s 125 degrees outside. When it comes to quality koozies, I’m a fan of the extra-ridiculous and absurd. I don’t want my koozie to look like I spent more than a few dollars on it. I want it to look a little heinous.

I gathered up a few of the koozies we have stashed around the office for the rare occasion that we need to keep our beer cold. Here are our favorites.

Gold Star Demonic Koozie


This 12 oz. koozie from Gold Star Beer Counter is metal all the way through, with “Gold Star” in gold on one size and a pentagram on the reverse.

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Craigville Village Koozie


I got this koozie on a college retreat to Cape Cod. It’s silly and simple and just what I need.

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Alvarado Street Brewery


Our friends from Alvarado Street sent us this koozie. It’s their logo, their name, and nothing else.

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Shaker Pint Koozie


What the hell is this? My mom picked it up for me, which is an awesome gesture. But, setting up this shot was the only time I’ve ever put it on a glass.

Southern Tide Bottle Sock


Keep your bottle extra preppy in this bottle sock. I don’t know how cold this keeps your 12 oz. bottle, but it’s better than nothing.

Buy Now: $5

My Other Beer Is a Cantillon Koozie


What more do we need to say? We made this koozie for our “My Other Beer is a Cantillon” glass package ($20), which will drop on Wednesday, May 30, at 12 pm EST as part of our double dry hyped merch release.

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Vitamin Sea Koozie


The homies at Vitamin Sea Brewing, a brewery that will be opening soon in Weymouth, MA, hooked us up with their fresh new 16 oz. koozies.

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The Original Hop Culture Koozie


This was our first ever koozie. It’s got our logo and our name. That’s it.

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Beer Street Koozie


Beer Street knows how to do a koozie. Simple and clean.

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Brew Thru Koozie


Brew Thru, located in the Outer Banks, NC, is a drive-through liquor store. It’s truly an experience. And this koozie is a perfect example of how silly it is.

Buy Now: $6